Danielisms

Daniel Luke

Daniel has become quite the wordsmith in the past year, saying funny things that just knock your socks off.  I started posting them on Facebook as the Danielism of the Day.  Below is a collection of those. Check back from time to time…he’s bound to say something funny again!

HERE THEY ARE

Daniel was talking to Austin, complaining about how gross and dirty their bathroom was. He said, “how do you even know who’s towel is who’s?” Austin said, “I don’t know, I just grab one.” D said, “That’s so gross.  For all I know, I could be drying my face on someone else’s balls.” 4.11.16

Scott had back surgery a week ago, and he needs my help to do basic things.  I was talking to D about how I helped Scott take a shower yesterday.  He said, “Eww, did you have to see him naked?”  I said yes, that I had to help him wash because he couldn’t bend..  He said, “Well, could he wash his own butt?”  I said yes, he could wash his butt.  He said, “Good, then he could wash his own parts.  That would be gross if you had to wash his ‘parts’ ” !! 2.24.15

Second day of school, I picked up Daniel (preface to say it was a pretty warm day).  When he got in the car, I asked him how his day went.  With a dramatic flair, he said….”hydration draining.”  Guess he needed some water! 8.28.12

So Daniel has been claiming for a while that he lost his short term memory after a nap in preschool.  Last night he tells me, “mom, I think my short term memory is starting to come back.”  I said, “really?”  He said, “yeah, cuz now I remember when I was 2 years old, I always had bacon for breakfast.  That and pork.”  I swear to you people, I did NOT feed him bacon and pork for breakfast! 8.9.12

Daniel tells me on Friday as I pick him up from school…Mom, I had a ghostly sighting today.  You did, I ask?  He said, yeah, I saw this bottle cap on the ground just laying there, and when I went to pick it up, it was gone.  I think a ghost must have moved it.  Maybe the school is haunted. 5.11.12

Love my drive to school with D. Today’s convo goes like this: Me: “D, do you remember that candy store we used to go to in Galveston?” D:” er, um, nope, that’s not ringin a bell there. I think it goes back to when I took a nap in preschool and woke up and I had lost my short term memory!!!” You just can’t make this stuff up folks. 4.17.12

As told by Mrs. Beard, D’s 2nd grade teacher ( I love this because it shows hbig extremely bright he is):  The kids were sitting in circle time listening to the teacher read about Martin Luther King Jr. All of a sudden the little autistic boy in the class yells out Madagascar. The teacher then redirected and went on reading. Hours later D jumps up  from his desk and says, Mrs Beard, I know why he said Madascar. Madascar is in Africa. Martin Luther King Jr was AFRICAN American. It ties together. It all makes sense. 2.13.12

Taking D back to school after the dentist today, he sees the water tower and says, “Mom, how high do you think that is?”  I said, “I’m not sure, but it’s pretty high up there. It’s like the Tower of Americas in San Antonio that we want to take all you kids to see.  You can go to the top and look around.”  D says, “Is it high enough for me to barf?”  I said, “Why, are you afraid of heights?”  He says, “Yeah, if I go up there, I’d probably barf. And that would mess up my day.” 1.23.12

So Daniel is making plans today. First he’s deciding what to do with his toys when he goes to college! No, stop! Of course he says he’s taking his sock monkeys with him, so I guess not too much to worry about yet. Then he says he wants to adopt when he gets older…2 girls and 1 boy so the girls can make fun of the boy! Where does he come up with this? 10.25.11

Topic of conversation over breakfast with Daniel this morning: D: Mom, I know where diarrhea comes from. Me: Oooohkay, where? D: It’s puke that was supposed to come out of your mouth but comes out your butt instead! And that my friends was the end of my hunger pains. 9.13.11

After his shower last night, I said Daniel, you smell so good, the girls are gonna be all over you. D says, Oh no, not another chick chase! 9.7.11

D says mom, I can see inside my brain’s house.There’s a shelf in there where I keep my ideas. When I need to write about something, I just check out the shelf! 8.30.11

Today’s Danielism: Mom my motto for today is “I’m a boatload of trouble”!!! My response? “Greaaat!” 7.24.11

Today at the tux shop:  Daniel: Scott, isn’t it cool how all the dressing rooms have a trash can in them?  Scott. Sure is D.  Daniel: Yeah they’re for throwing your trash in and for throwing up! 4.23.11

Danielism for the day: Mom, I love my new Supercross shirt. I wanna wear it to school. Not Sunday school, but Monday school! 2.13.11

Daniel says Christina got the words wrong: Jose can see, any bed bugs on me? If u do, pick a few cuz they’re red white and blue, and they’re easy to chew! 2.7.11

Today’s Danielism: Mom, guess what I had for snack today? Chocolate chips and other ingredients. 2.2.11

Continuation from previous Danielism. Me: D that was funny how u said chocolate chips and ‘other ingredients’. D: Yep, I just barfed that right outta my mouth! 2.2.11

Short week for all! In the words of Daniel: Rock on!!!!  11.22.10

Danielism for the day (Scott gets credit for this one!): Scott: Hey buddy boy! What’s happening? Daniel: Ugh, I keep getting picked up at the same crappy cone. S: What’s wrong with this cone? D: I wanna get picked up at the green cone. S: Why D? The red cone is cool D: Duh! I want the green cone cuz that’s where my stinkin’ hot teacher is! Look and tell me I’m wrong!  11.3.10

So after collecting his share of candy, Daniel stops to help mom hand it out. At one point he turns to me and says ‘Mom, do you think you could help with the work here? We have a BOATLOAD of people coming!’!!! Then later, as a group went by without stopping to get candy, he piped up and said ‘Did you see those people just pass us by? What the…?’ Happy Halloween Baby! 10.31.10

Daniel tells me today: Mom, do you know the main 2 parts of a spider? No Daniel I don’t. Well mom, its the abdomen and the cephalothorax (yes, FB fans, i had to look up how to spell that). I am officially dumber than a 1st grader! 10.25.10

Danielism for the day: Mom, I love you. I’ll love you even when you’re dead. But dad’s gonna die first. 10.12.10

Me: Daniel, your shoe is untied. Let’s tie it before you trip. Daniel: Mom, my shoes like me, they would never trip me! 10.8.10

So playing Wii bowling with Daniel tonight and he says “Watch and learn, sista, watch and learn, I’ll show you how it’s done.” And yes, he beat my butt! 9.8.10

Daniel does not like waiting with me to pick up Ben and Anna after school…says he wants to ride the bus home. I said, no Daniel, no one will be home when you get off the bus. He says, mom, I have a key. Duh!  8.25.10

Today’s Danielism: Daniel, do you want a turkey sandwich for lunch? No! Why don’t you like turkey anymore? Because it tastes like cats! 3.25.10

Daniel tonight in the tub: mom, i feel my ball sacks! I think there’s basketballs in them! Mommy: God I hope not! 3.24.10