Anyone who knows me knows I like football. I was not a fan in high school, because I didn’t know what was going on. But being an Aggie and having a front row seat for the Jackie Sherrill/RC Slocum era, I became a football fan real fast in college. That love has continued to this day, where I’ve gotten to watch 2 of my 4 kids grow up playing ball in high school (and 3 of them supporting the game in marching band).
This year will mark our last year of having a kiddo on the high school football team. Austin will be playing wide receiver for the varsity team every Friday night, hopefully until late December (state playoffs). And for the first time, I am not looking forward to those games.
Oh don’t get me wrong, I will have tears of joy when I watch him walk by the first time and when he takes the field. And there will be more tears when Ben and Anna march by playing the school fight song. And even if I see D chugging along on the sidelines with the Pit Crew. I’m proud of all 4 of them and what they’ve accomplished.
I’m just not looking forward to sitting through the games. Because sitting hurts. I don’t mean “my butt is a little numb, need to move around more” kind of hurt. I mean burning, searing pain that goes up my lower back and straight down the back of my leg. Kinda feels like a lightning rod hit me. And the pain in my lower back….that feels like a kidney stone the size of golf ball.
I can take about 45 minutes to an hour before the pain sets in. Then there’s nothing I can do to resolve it. I can walk around and stretch….that brings about 10 minutes of relief. Then the pain comes right back.
I stupidly consulted the doctor again today about it. You would think after 18 years, one would get tired of going to doctor after doctor, trying one solution after another, some you wouldn’t subject your enemies to. I’ve done physical therapy, steroid injections, had saline solution injected into my tendons (prolotherapy), chiropractic adjustments, deep tissue massage, and have had the nerves in my SI join fried, not once, but 3 times.
Either I’m too stupid to know when to give up, or I just keep holding out hope that someone is going to be able to fix this pain.
Of course, today was not that day. Doc said that the pain I’m having is muscular and I have a misalignment….which caused which, he doesn’t know. The solution? Go see a chiropractor multiple times a week ($45 a visit) for endless weeks. The last chiro type doc I saw did wonders….as long as I kept going to him about every 4 days. See above – I have 4 kids…..which means I don’t have money.
As I drove off, a thought occurred to me. I wonder how much better I could have felt over the past 18 years if I wasn’t always dealing with chronic pain. How much better of a person could I have been?
You see, chronic pain sucks the life out of you. I try to keep mine to myself as much as possible, because at some point, people just get tired of hearing about it. There are just days that are tough, like this one, when you hear yet again that there’s really nothing that can be done. If you have recurrent strep throat, they take out your tonsils….and you’re fixed. If you have a herniated disc, they can take that out….and you’re fixed. You at least have hope that you are going to feel better. But when you are told that there’s really nothing that can be done….you start to run out of hope.
That’s kinda where I am today. And it sucks.
But I really have no room to complain. At least I’m still able to get up and go to football games, right? My dad is still fighting to get better and out of the hospital. So this Saturday, I’ll be there for the first game of the season, cheering for Austin, Ben and Anna, pain or not.