I’m thinking of making Tuesdays “Random Thought Tuesdays.” I know it’s not as catchy as Throwback Thursdays, but oh well….I didn’t put much thought into it! I’ve just found that there are times I have random thoughts swirling through my head that need to move on out, because, let’s face it, there will be more random thoughts coming. So here’s my random thought for the day. Sidebar….I wrote this back in February, but just realized that I posted it wrong!
And let me just preface this entire blog by saying, this in no way, shape, or form pertains to my husband. If you want to read something into this and try to surmise that truth, sorry…there’s no drama going on here. Move on. The fact that I’m leaving any and all names out of this is to protect the idiots and the innocents.
I was talking recently with a guy friend about a mutual acquaintance who had cheated on his wife. He told me that while he didn’t condone it, he understood it. I’m only going to speak from the female perspective…hell, maybe it’s only my perspective….but I can not for the life of me understand it. I never have been able to. Where and why is it ever justified?
That got me to thinking….what is wrong with the wife? Did she freeze him out? Did she pack on the pounds? Does she scream at him daily? Being the victim of being cheated on in past relationships, I can look back and say, no, I hadn’t changed in any horrible way that would make my man go running to the arms of another. I did always wonder…was I not skinny enough (at 96 lbs)….was I not giving enough….what did I do wrong? My guess is I’m not the only one who has tried to dig deep into her soul to figure out what was characteristically wrong with me that it would drive a man to cheat.
Y’all I read a blog yesterday that slapped me right in the face. I mean, it was fabulous. You can check it out here for yourself. http://www.scarymommy.com/why-men-cheat/ I love the Scary Mommy blogs….some of these ladies are hilarious…and some are just downright spot on! So I was reading the daily blog yesterday and paragraph after paragraph, it sounded like the same ol same ol.
But then, the paragraph that slapped me in face came up. I had to re-read it twice. It made so much damn sense, I’m kinda embarrassed to say it’s taken me 48 years to see it from the perspective. But damn, is it spot on. She says:
“Of all the people who are likely to boost his self-esteem, it ain’t gonna be you. Why? Because he thinks he’s crap and you’re with him. So how could he ever trust your judgment? He needs to be good enough that other women want him, too.” Go ahead, re-read that one. There’s the answer I’ve been looking for for so many years. HE thinks he’s crap….so he needs the validation of other women. I mean, hell, like she says, we ALL have self-esteem issues. Most of us with an ounce of maturity deal with those issues without hurting others, without looking for external validation, without crushing the soul of the one person that’s trying to make you see that you aren’t crap.
It doesn’t matter how much you tell him he’s phenomenal, it doesn’t matter how many times you tell him he’s handsome…and it sure as hell doesn’t matter if you’ve put on a few pounds or are bikini ready. Nothing YOU do controls the fact that he feels like crap about himself.
So what do you do? How do you fix it? She gives 2 options….to forgive him, let it go and stay, or decide you’re worthy of a more mature, confident man. I really don’t see it as two options. A man who thinks so little of you that he’ll go out and cheat is not worth hanging on to, because frankly, once he’s gotten away with it once, he’s gonna do it again. Don’t live your life wondering if or when it’s gonna happen again. Live your life with your head high, smiling, knowing that there is something better out there than being with a loser who truly doesn’t have your interest at heart.
Told you it was random thought Tuesday. Can you imagine what it’s like living with this brain?