Random Questions for the Universe

There are days when my mind can’t focus on one thing, not one darn thing.  And then there are days when it tries to focus on 15 things at once. I don’t know which is less productive, but I can tell you, either way, I’m not getting much done.  Since I’m having one of those days, I thought I would throw out some random questions that have been swirling around in my brain. Welcome to the world of my brain….hold on, its gonna be a bumpy ride.

1. Where the hell did my metabolism go?  It’s like someone took a switch and flipped that buggar off.  I work out 3-4 days a week.  And I’m not talking a leisurely stroll around the block with the dog in hand.  No, twice a week a trainer kicks my ass, making me do 40 reps of 55 lb barbell chest presses, moving on to 40 burpees on an upside down Bosu ball, then 40 walking lunges with 25 pounds and on to 40 pull-ups.  And that’s just the first 5 minutes of a workout folks, seriously.  Another couple of days, I hit a spin class where we come out dripping in sweat after 50 minutes.  So after all that punishment, tell me why the scale still says the same thing it did 3 months ago.  I’d like my 19-year old metabolism back, pronto. I can’t even eat  a damn cookie or a bowl of ice cream like my husband and kids.  If I dare eat more than a mini Chips Ahoy cookie, the number on the scale goes UP.  I mean, what the frack?  No, it’s salads for dinner and egg whites for breakfast, just to keep the scale from rising.

2. Why is it so damn hard to get up off the floor?  I would like to think that there is something wrong with the gravitational pull and it is getting stronger world-wide.  But alas, I think it has more to do with my advancing age.  But I still don’t understand, given the fact that I workout quite a bit, that at the end of the day, whether I’m finishing up my last set of ab exercises or on the ground tying my shoe, I can’t even get up off the floor. I feel clumsy and slow and I’m beginning to find a new appreciation for the sloth.

3.  Why at age 46 am I still getting pimples?  I can tell you it’s not sympathy for my acne-laden teenagers.  Ok, secretly I want to pin them down and pop all those nasty little whiteheads on their faces….probably too much information for ya there.  That’s probably because I don’t get those lovely little whiteheads.  No, I get those nasty ingrown pimples that won’t come to a head, but end up looking like Mt. St. Helens getting ready to blow. I passed puberty, got the t-shirt and the emotional scars to prove it….don’t need no acne on my face reminding me of those years.

4. Will my children be diagnosed with neck arthritis at age 25 from staring non-stop into their cell phones and various electronic devices?  How I wish I was kidding.  I can’t even get them to look up at me when I’m talking, unless I yell real loud or have some yummy treat they want.  Nowadays kids don’t even talk to each other….just a bunch of silent texters walking around with their faces in their phones trying to avoid walking into a pole. Trust me, I see it in the college kids on campus daily. They never look up.

5.  Speaking of…when did social media become the acceptable norm for communication?  And will our children know how to form a string of cohesive statements into a full conversation when going on an interview?  These days its acceptable to wish someone happy birthday via Facebook – it takes the place of a card or a phone call.  Hell, even Twitter confines you to only 140 characters in a tweet. I think it would be fascinating if my grandmother could come back for a day and see how things have changed.  I would love to hear her opinion on social media.

6.  Why can’t I be more like my husband, dynamic, extroverted and full of life. If I could bottle that shit, I’d be rich. He has friends from all walks of life, young and old, near and far. On a daily basis he has various friends calling, texting, emailing or instant messaging him just to chat.  The unlimited text and talk plan on our cell phones is not only for the teenagers, but also for him. Sometimes being introverted and scared to go out on a limb just plain sucks.

So there you have it folks, just a few of the random questions swirling around in my head all at the same time today.  Some call it ADHD, some call it just plain nuts. Call it what you want, I’m tired. I think I need a nap!